Category: just for today

April 2, 2010 Just For Today

I have a hard time doing things sometimes. I just need to do the best I can, call it good and move on. This morning I had to write a few emails. Instead of say, about 20 minutes and done, it took over an hour. Even an hour I feel happy with actually. That is an improvement over some of the stuff I can get going on with writing a simple letter. Perfectionism (it has to be right), self-esteem (if it is not just right, someone will think I am a dolt) and fear of commitment are all a part of this. Another funny aspect of this is that these two letters, and this is as often the case as not, are for good things. One is a talk I have to give this summer and the other was to report on some volunteer work I did for someone.

I think I need to pay more attention to this problem of mine. Prayer, asking God to remove those aforementioned character defects, and asking for clarity to know my path is the right one, will do wonders. I like that I already feel better about this in just writing this out.

I spoke to my sponsor a few days ago. It was good to talk to him and to hear his good practical advice. Get my ass to more meetings. Take some time to get together with him. Two important things I really do need to do. We talked about many other things too. My sponsee, for one. This guy is not wanting to work the steps but for now, well I have nothing else going on in terms of working with anyone. So there is no reason for me to not fill the role of sponsor for him for now. As long as I am talking to him regularly I can also keep reminding him that the goal is to work the twelve steps.

That is about it for now. Time to get to work.

All the best and God Bless,

AA Blogger

Waiting for an Answer

I got word this evening that a decision will be made, as soon as Monday, about hiring someone for a job I want to have. This position is something I have been waiting to hear about for a long time. I also know I am in the running for getting the job.

I have been praying about my work situation a lot. Asking to be shown what my direction should be and the courage to walk on the path I am shown is the right one. I do have enough sense to not pray to get this job. At least that is what I have come to learn about prayer, careful how you go about things and what you ask for.

So I will wait. Try not to get to anxious. Abide by the decision the best way I can.

Whatever happens my life is about to change in a macro way soon. This job or another – something has to give soon.

Sept 16 2009 Just for Today

Just checking in as I haven’t written in awhile.

My wife is pregnant and I am now on track to become a father for the first time. My biggest surprise so far has been my almost complete lack of fear or worry regarding what is one of the biggest life changing events you can have (or so I have been told!). I really thought when I was faced with this gift I would have found plenty of ways to worry. I will take as much of this as I can get. Maybe it will change.

On a different but something similar line, I have been focusing a lot more lately on faith. Being more conscious of God, praying more, turning things over as the day develops. This to is a nice thing to have going on and like my lack of worry, I will take all of it I can get. My goal is to build upon this while it is going strong. For the moment, which is all that matters, I am pleased with my spiritual progress these days.

The next few weeks will be building a bridge to what I think will be some other big change in my life. My hope is that I will be getting a job that I would love to have. The process of this decision being made has left me hung out to dry, so to speak, for over a year. One of the things that did was get me into fear and out of what I was just talking about in the last paragraph. For now I feel the path is the right one and that the change is coming. It will be big, in terms of turning me in a new direction for my work and what I will be spending a good bit of time doing.

Better things are coming. I need to live in that truth, not turn it away by getting into fear and enjoy each day that will serve as a bridge between now and what is coming up ahead.

Don’t Worry

There is a fairly lovable gal (lets call her Nancy) in my home group that is pretty nutty. Everyone thinks she is a hoot because she says a lot of really funny things. There are also occasional bits of insight. So the other day, Nancy is going off and she says

I never heard someone say that they really worried a lot about something and that it ended up making all the difference in the world

Brilliant.

My experience has taught me that I need to  stay out of my own way. When I have had faith and relied on guidance from my higher power, I end up getting led to great places that I would not have chosen on my own. It seems so illogical. I try to make my way through the day and my life, making plans and hatching up schemes. In the end, it is the unexpected things in my path, the things I could not imagine, that have made the biggest difference.

All this tells me that my thinking and planning is not as important as I like to think. It can be helpful but in the end I there is just so much that is out of my control that has such a large influence. Sober, these things tend to be good. They are not jackpots but bounty of God’s grace.

So I do realize I don’t need to worry. Yet I still do. And it does not amount to a hill of beans, other than  to set me into fear and waste my time.

Good Times

I encourage you to list things that make you feel happy. Cause I think we could use to divulge a bit more of the things that we enjoy doing.

So says the end of Wizbang’s blog post.

I woke up this morning and started the coffee pot. Having the coffee finish, pouring a cup and then finding a place to go drink that first cup is a singular pleasure I get to enjoy just about every day. I mention this first as I am sitting here now drinking that first cup of the day. Good morning!

My wife is a joy. It took me much long than most to get married, and the wait was well worth it. Sure our commitment to be joined in marriage is relatively new – 7 months – but it just seems so incredible to be married, and to be married to her. I marvel at the fact that she is part of my life today.

My adopted cat (by marriage). A very strange bird, this cat controls me like he is royalty. He likes to drink from the faucet in the tub, so when he gets in there and meows I choose to go in there and turn on the spigot for him. There are not a huge number of things like this but I do cater to a lot of his whims and wishes. He has trained me well and I do enjoy having him around.

The chance and ability I have to to get out in, and experience, nature. I could write a book about that one. This has been such an important part of my sober life and my spiritual well being. I was out in the snow covered woods this past weekend. First time in awhile, and like finding a favorite shirt that has been lost, putting on the woods was once again the transformational experience it always is. Why do I live in the city (life is complicated!) and why do I not get out in the woods more?

My back is screwed up but I can be happy that I have at least recovered enough that I can do what I can do today. I can get quite pissed about how this part of my life is, as I’m still not well, but I have memories of things being a lot worse. Sometimes that is accompanied by stinking thinking (will this ever get better?). On the flip side there are plenty of times I am happy when I tie my shoes, as it makes me glad I am at least able to do this again.

My families. Good and bad, my new family and the old, the quirky and the inspiring. I just wanted to be left alone when I was drinking. It is a testament to how bad of an illness alcoholism is that it was leading me to not want to have anything to do with people, including my family. I seriously would not give up the hardest times I still have with some family members today. Even those difficult relationships I recognize to be blessings and see there is still plenty of love there. And the good relationships I have. Well, they are precious. I even indirectly love how AA mends family relationships. Sponsees that reconcile with their family, and that share with me what that means to them, can bring me to tears. It is humbling to have allowed God to have given me an opportunity to play a part in such things coming to pass.

Walking. I am supposed to walk to help out my back. This is like, being sober and knowing you have to be a part of AA. I do need to (often) force myself to get out and walk but I do consider this medical “need” a wonderful prescription.

Books. The internet. Information. I have been a reader ever since I can remember. I can recall when I was eight years old staying up late, after everyone else had gone to bed, and reading through part of the night. I still do that today. Books can be a form of escape but I am also naturally curious. Reading can bring so many different ideas and perspectives to me. What a blessing to live in the information age where there is so much to read.

Not being stressed and not living in fear. I have to admit that I used to be a lot better at this in times past. I need to work harder to have this be a more dominant state. Even thought it comes and goes, it does make me very happy to have that perspective when it does come.

Not writing regularly on this blog. This may seem strange. Let me explain. I often get an urge or notion that I “should” both make a commitment and get working on posting regularly to this blog. I have a lot of ideas about this, why it would be good for me, how I could potentially try and be more helpful by sharing more, etc. In reality I love being able to just write a few posts every month. Sometimes I get an urge to do a bit more, and that is fine when I am truly moved or otherwise need to get some stuff written down here. Yet I do not need the pressure of another regular task to get done at this point in my life. That tension, of creating a bit more stuff I think I need to do, always comes up when I feel like making some push to make myself write more. I could do more but that would just not be right at this time. So I write like I do, posting irregularly, but it works for me (hopefully the one or two people that might have read something on this blog find this and understand!).

So this is just a few things that make me happy, with some not so short explanations of why this is so. I feel happier for having written this, of course!

Wishing you all the best in sobriety,
AA Blogger

Feb 16, 2009 Just for Today

The easier, softer way. I have come to understand that my good life, in general, is not easy. By that I mean having good things – like being sober, having a happy marriage, being employed in a fulfilling job, etc. takes some doing on my part. If I don’t put the effort I am just not likely to get good results. Sure I might hit upon some dumb luck now and again and stumble into some good outcomes. But they are less likely. When I was drinking I ignored things and consistently reaped those rewards. Life got worse and worse.

So my life is like trying to be a farmer. Growing something substantial takes many things that require my attention – planning, action, adjustments and time. Whether I want two hundred acres of corn or to keep a bonsai tree, I can’t get by on a little effort and expect to have great results. Bonsai care takes effort and attention just like staying sober. And just like having a beautiful and interesting Bonsai tree my sobriety can be a wonderful thing if I pay attention and take time to do the right things.

Wishing you all the best in sobriety,

AA Blogger

Feb 13, 2009 Humility

Friday the 13th? No problem. I was born on a Friday the 13th so I think it is a lucky day for me.

Today the meeting was a reading and discussion about the seventh step from the 12 x 12.

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

My quick take on all that…..
I have many areas of life where I come up short. It is part of being human. Thankfully these problems are not the terrible things they once were. For example it is better that I am aware of being sharp with someone, or not being as kind as I should. Things like this form the bulk of my problems, rather than being such an ass that I have no good relationships, am in trouble with the law or any number of other things that I was good at attracting into my life.

Even though I am much better off I still need to do what I have been taught on a regular basis – talk to others, go to meeting and work on my relationship with God so that I can stay on top of my own crap. If I don’t do these things I lose a bit of humility, then a little more and then it reaches a point where I have lost a lot. This does even happen when I am doing what I should be but I do feel it is not as bad. And at least I am giving myself a chance.

So I need to stay humble, recognize I can and do come up short and try to do better – in part by asking for God to take those things away from me.

Wishing you all the best in sobriety,
AA Blogger