Follow Up

Yes this is a follow up on yesterday’s post but it is also a way to frame the results of my meeting my sponsee today. We both agree he is good at pushing away things that might be helpful. In this case he has a real reluctance to meet with me regularly. Since this is something I explained to him from the start is what I need to have happen, it is a problem. My being his sponsor is contingent on my being able to meet up with him. He was free from the start to say no, this was not something he wants.

I must say I was happy to say he did agree to meet with me again next week. Of his own volition he also offered up that not showing up then would be a clear statement on his part. His absence would demonstrate he was not willing to committ to our working together in a way that I felt had to happen.

I really hope he shows up. I want to help him and meeting with someone is the way I have found works best for me. I simply cannot effectively sponsor someone without regular face to face contact. Just one of the many, many limitations I have come to understand about myself since I have become sober.

I do believe that people can have a sponsor-sponsee relationship without regular meetings too, so this is not a case of my way is the only way this can work for everyone. I have also learned in sobriety that there are very few absolutes.

This is a jumbled post but there you have it.

All the best in your sobriety,

AA blogger

April 2, 2010 Just For Today

I have a hard time doing things sometimes. I just need to do the best I can, call it good and move on. This morning I had to write a few emails. Instead of say, about 20 minutes and done, it took over an hour. Even an hour I feel happy with actually. That is an improvement over some of the stuff I can get going on with writing a simple letter. Perfectionism (it has to be right), self-esteem (if it is not just right, someone will think I am a dolt) and fear of commitment are all a part of this. Another funny aspect of this is that these two letters, and this is as often the case as not, are for good things. One is a talk I have to give this summer and the other was to report on some volunteer work I did for someone.

I think I need to pay more attention to this problem of mine. Prayer, asking God to remove those aforementioned character defects, and asking for clarity to know my path is the right one, will do wonders. I like that I already feel better about this in just writing this out.

I spoke to my sponsor a few days ago. It was good to talk to him and to hear his good practical advice. Get my ass to more meetings. Take some time to get together with him. Two important things I really do need to do. We talked about many other things too. My sponsee, for one. This guy is not wanting to work the steps but for now, well I have nothing else going on in terms of working with anyone. So there is no reason for me to not fill the role of sponsor for him for now. As long as I am talking to him regularly I can also keep reminding him that the goal is to work the twelve steps.

That is about it for now. Time to get to work.

All the best and God Bless,

AA Blogger

Sponsee Sponsor

I make the conscious choice to be free, and to hold my freedom as a priority, not to be compromised.

Passing it on. Three related bits of my sober life.

1. I asked someone to sponsor me last night. Thank goodness. I woke up today feeling much freer than I have in a long time. I’m going to a number of meetings every week, having a better sense of spirituality, am sponsoring a few guys and now have a sponsor. Is that the final piece that has lifted the weight of the world off of my shoulders? It feels like this is how things are going. And that perhaps I am on the cusp of having the weight of the world stay off. I have lived like that in the past in my sobriety. It has been lost for awhile. I would love it if it is back.

2. About a month ago I had a guy (lets call him Jim) ask me to sponsor him. He has been around AA for 15 years, a bit back and forth, and has been clean for more than two years. Here were the most significant things I found out right away. His five year old son and his fiance were killed in a car crash about three years ago. They were hit by a drunk driver. He is still struggling with this. And he is just getting over surgery to remove cancer in his bladder. He was still not physically well. Physiologically his white blood cell count had not yet bounced back from some just finished radiation treatments.

It took me a few weeks to figure out he has never worked the steps, in order. He has dabbled but the best thing would likely be to start from the beginning. He was game for this approach.

Yesterday this guy told me the cancer was back. Its aggressive and spreading fast. The doctors are not that hopeful. Essentially he could be dead in months or perhaps by the end of the year. He just called me and we talked for close to an hour. I am not sure I have the fortitude to handle all of this. I’m devastated and I cannot begin to fathom how this person feels or can deal with things.

I am completely humbled. I can only pray. For him and for me, so that I can have the strength to be the best I can to help this guy.

3. I had another guy (Don) ask me to sponsor him last week. He is fresh, just getting clean. We are starting from the beginning. So far so good.

All of this puts me firmly in the middle of AA. All of this is many things: difficult, exhilarating, challenging, exciting and right where I need to be.