Ok is Great


It has been a good last week or so. Last Friday I met with my boss and learned that my position will be extended for another year. This is not a big surprise but it is a relief. Just that fact that I had to find out if all was well for keeping my term position for another year was enough to occasion some fear. Not freaking out, bugged eyed fear but certainly a tinge of doubt. That being behind me is a relief.

Another thing that has been resolved is some health stuff. Mainly I had to go to three different doctors for three different problems. All of these things were necessary things to get checked and I had been procrastinating in setting all this in motion. Talking with my wife and my sponsor about this over the last month or so really helped. I made my appointments, took the tests I was told to take and now can move forward. No real surprises, other than my one new ailment is less troublesome than I thought. No knee surgery, just some physical therapy. Funny that I have this pattern of behavior all my life – if I do A it may lead to B, and I don’t want B so I avoid A. Doing A, eventually, leads to C and I learn that B was just not part of the picture. Then realizing I should have just done A a lot sooner. At least being sober has improved my angst about many things and my stalling, which of course is all about fear and doubt, is nothing like it used to be. The old me was paralyzed, in some ways steered around by, and just plain had a life rife with a constantly juggling agenda of keeping myself busy in order to avoid other things.

Now I have to follow up with what comes next from my health assessments. Physical therapy, a possible outpatient half day run through the hospital, and who knows what else. I do at least feel willing to move forward.

Another good thing that has happened over the course of the last week has been some better stick-to-itness on my part. I need to work hard at adhering to what my brain wants to believe is a strange schedule. Get up at 4 during the week, try to catch the 4:48 bus, and stay at work until around 3 PM. Then time to get home as the wife and I are trying to get a little better dinner routing down. Monday, Wednesday and Friday I am also slating to be morning meeting days. So I get up from my desk at work at 7:15 on those days, walk the ten minutes to the serious and great mens’ meeting, then walk back to work. I stuck to my schedule pretty well last week and am doing the same this week. One of the big reasons I want to do this is because the whole framework works for me, and my family, on many levels. Yet neither my wife nor I are inclined or really get pushed to adhere to a schedule. I really do not have to be in work at any time, and most days it does not even matter if I showed up in my office or not. Getting the work done is important, not my being there per say. Even so, it is difficult for me to work at home these days because it is too tempting to start doing things that have nothing to do with work if I am home. It is also way better for me to get out of the house in the morning before anyone else is even thinking of stirring.

None of this is anything spectacular but it is all, collectively, really nice. I feel like I am on a bit of a roll. Steady and even, nicely serene and overall feeling pretty good. I will be sure not to get used to it…….since things are sure to get even better.

Stay sober and be well,

AA Blogger

Getting the Answer

Today I was told I would be offered an exciting new job I had been hoping I would get. It is a few years of work, with some of the top people in my field. One of them is a world class scientist, with lots of awards and even a Pulitizer for a book he wrote. Not only should this work be good but it will also set me up quite well to get a permanent position once this experience is completed.

Sobriety is a strange and wonderous journey, especially when you give in to giving up and letting God. My experience with this job has been like a number of others. It was serious and yes, it was a big deal. So much so that I got my panties in a wad for quite awhile. Only in the last few months have I worked really hard at letting God into what I was busy doing on my own.

I had been waiting on this deal to come down for over a year and was able to spin my wheels doing other things to bide my time. It got to the point where I was getting fearful, anxious and could not see as easily that life is and will be good. Regardless of work or no work. Some of my old thinking was starting to come back, in no small part because now I am married and things seem so much more serious these days. My wife is even pregnant for gosh sakes.

Finally I got earnest and honest in my prayers. I began to ask God to help me be on and be happy with a path that would support me and my family in a prosperous way. To realize, accept and honor whatever that was to be. Over time I came to realize I was no longer waiting for something to happen. It was happening and I was on the right path. I just did not know what was up around the next bend. This change in my perception and sense of things began to get me right again. A greater shift occured when I felt like I did not care what the outcome of getting the job I wanted, I was just curious to know what was going to be next. Like the curiousity of a child, not one of the fearful adult I was a few months ago. I just began to know now that all was well, and right. It also seemed that an answer, the next thing that would be, was coming to the fore soon.

Today the email came. I have a lunch date on Wednesday to meet with the people I will be working with. With this new job I will be: working at one of the top universities in the world, working with one of the top scientists in my field and I will be able to commute to work by taking a bus that is a three minute walk from my front door.

One of my best friends in the world was with me when I was just beginning my journey in science. I was a few years sober, he was just getting started. His first few years of sobriety were mental health hell but he stuck with it and I with him. I was best man at his wedding a few years ago. Last year he was part of my wedding. Even way back when, in the mid 90’s, I was talking to him about this guy that I am going to soon be working with. I called that friend today and we both marveled that I am where I am today.

It occurs to me to end this post by mentioning that none of what I have done in this area of my life would have happened if I made all my own decisions. I just wanted to be left alone. Instead I followed what I thought I was being directed to do, each step of the way. Even though at times it was a seemingly scary, unknown course that God put me on. Those scary God directions always opened up into wondrous vistas that held beauty and joy. Today is another one of those and I am so grateful to be alive and sober.

Wishing you all the best in your sobriety…

Don’t Worry

There is a fairly lovable gal (lets call her Nancy) in my home group that is pretty nutty. Everyone thinks she is a hoot because she says a lot of really funny things. There are also occasional bits of insight. So the other day, Nancy is going off and she says

I never heard someone say that they really worried a lot about something and that it ended up making all the difference in the world


My experience has taught me that I need to  stay out of my own way. When I have had faith and relied on guidance from my higher power, I end up getting led to great places that I would not have chosen on my own. It seems so illogical. I try to make my way through the day and my life, making plans and hatching up schemes. In the end, it is the unexpected things in my path, the things I could not imagine, that have made the biggest difference.

All this tells me that my thinking and planning is not as important as I like to think. It can be helpful but in the end I there is just so much that is out of my control that has such a large influence. Sober, these things tend to be good. They are not jackpots but bounty of God’s grace.

So I do realize I don’t need to worry. Yet I still do. And it does not amount to a hill of beans, other than  to set me into fear and waste my time.