As a sober drunk I am also – just human – and as such have many other issues. One of these is not being able to sleep well. This has been a lifelong problem, starting before I even began drinking. And I had my first drink at 13.
Tonight I am sitting in a hotel room in Cape Cod at 3:30 AM. My wife is sleeping soundly. I like to say she is a professional sleeper and I am just a wanna be.
I subscribe to an RSS feed about sleep problems and when I fired up the computer tonight low and behold one of the articles led me to a new web resource I had never seen before. A list of things to do if you can’t sleep. One was to list your blessings. Gee, what an interesting idea.
Tonight my wife and I watched the sun set at the northernmost part of Cape Cod. As we were standing at the edge of the sea, I saw something pop up out of the water in front of me. It took me a little bit to realize it was a seal’s head. Then just like that it was gone. It turned out there were a few of them there and in a few minutes time you could see one or two pop up somewhere in the vicinity of where we were standing. At one point I tried to take a picture of the beautiful scene in front of us but it turned out the batteries in the camera were dead. I had a moment of rising frustration. Then I realized how blessed I was to be standing right where I was. I love my wife and I love to be on the beach. I also got a sunset and some seals thrown in for good measure. The camera was just not an issue.
I am blessed too today to be sober. One of the great gifts I have been given in learning to live sober is that any initial ideas I have about what might be a problem can often be turned around, just like that. I am lying in bed, not sleeping, eventually have to get up, and feel a little defeated. Five minutes later I read about counting my blessings and feel better. I try to get upset that I can’t take a picture of a scene I want to preserve and quickly realize perhaps I just need to focus on enjoying a really good moment. This skill I was taught has also come in handy during some really serious and relatively weighty issues that have arisen in my sobriety. Most of these things are now just a part of my staying alive rather than it all being alcoholism related stuff. Health issues, people dying, or whatever. Yet I can tell that my ability to weather the storms, large and small, seems to improve with practice.
So that is my report from the cape this early morning. I hope you are all sleeping soberly, and well.