I just went for a wonderful walk with my wife. It is a blessing to be sharing my sober life with someone I love, respect and enjoy being around. An added bonus with a walk today was a break in the cold weather. It was in the mid 40’s which is the warmest it has been for some time. Snow is melting, being outside does not have to involve bundling up real tight and there is lots of ice/water/slush everywhere. We got involved in a heavy conversation about our work (we are both scientists). The time passed quickly even though we were out for 45 minutes.
Part of this walk involves going along a route that an active drunk regularly drives. He or she has to live in this neighborhood. There are always bottles strewn about on the sides of the road. Not a huge number and most of them are those small shots of liquor but enough evidence for me to figure out what this represents. I had not walked this route in awhile and there is lots of snow everywhere. Sure enough there are some newly placed bottles on top of the snow.
When I point things like that out to me wife “these bottles are from a drunk” and lay out the story of what I think is happening, it makes it so clear how different we alcoholics are in so many ways. It is easy for me to know these bottles are from a drunk. She on the other hand does not have a clue. And it is obvious her mind has a hard time understanding the crazy behavior and rational. Why would you need to have a drink when you are are leaving or coming home (why not have it at home)? Why have those little shots if you are doing this same thing every day (why not buy a big bottle)? Why do you have to throw the bottles out the window? And so on.
My question is “why doesn’t she understand?” It all makes perfect sense to me. Rationalization and weird habitats, after all, used to be some of my best friends!
I am supposed to walk every day to help me with my back issues. I am far from having any regular walking schedule and I must say I walk way less than I should. A bit of prayer, and some added focus on willingness to do what is best for me, seems to be in order with this situation. The funny thing is I love to walk and to be outside.
No meeting today. I need to get my ass to one soon.
Wishing you all the best in sobriety,
AA Blogger