My son is a little over five weeks old today. He is sleeping in a bassinet basket by my side. This experience of having a son, a child, is so very interesting. I could not imagine for a moment what it would be like to be drunk and oblivious to him and to myself. There would be so much to miss.
All of this side of life is so new to me. As my baby boy is different every day, so I find myself in my actions and reactions to him and even now to my wife. Things are richer and more complex but that is not always what is the most obvious about what has occurred within this change. What is most apparent is that things are not the same. I feel better about myself, and this is something that seems apart from even thinking about my son.
I understand it is possible for me to get a bit more mature and a bit wiser day by day, and I do believe this does happen for me more days than not. Yet there are moments when I seem to feel the weight of all the change that has accumulated and I know I have really grown. I experienced that on a mountainside in Montana when I was about to move from there. I felt it when I stood on a hill in the adobe desert in Colorado. I had heard the day before, via email, that I had been awarded my Ph.D. Both of these were celebratory turns of feeling the impact of having reached a significant milestone. With it came a humility and understanding of how fortunate and blessed I am. To be alive, and to be thriving.
That is what this feels like. I am seemingly suddenly more grown-up. And I like it.
Best,
AA Blogger