Just having my morning cup of coffee. Waking up to great God and the new day. So nice to be clean and sober. Spring is finally arriving here in the Northeastern United States. The warm weather can bring such a sense of renewed hope. A fresh start.
I have apparently began to fret a bit about my impending work contract coming to an end towards the end of this year. Strange dreams that I can, eventually, tie back to some part of my brain that is mulling over this work stuff. Yet it is interesting to step back from that and examine all this with the a perspective that I have been taught in AA. Kind of like the New Pair of Glasses idea that Chuck C. talks about…..so this spring I am looking out over the six month horizon at my 5 year stint of my current (nice, wonderful!) job coming to a close. Things will change and there are many parts of my brain that does not like such changes. On some level I can worry, which can grow into fear. About money, security, health insurance, the discomfort of getting out of my routine and familiar surroundings,….etc.
On the other hand, I can pray and imagine that there is a grand new adventure just up ahead. It will be more exciting and full of joy than I could ever envision. Other changes are on the horizon too. Come Sept 20th or so, my wife and I will have another son. That will obviously be another big change for me and everyone in our house. My current contract coming to a close also means that I am going to be moving on to something different and, if my experience shows can teach me anything, that there is something even better for me just up ahead. So there is a part of me that can feel like a kid in Disneyland. What’s next? I am not sure but it will probably be fun and good.
Thinking about spring, and season where renewed warmth, growth and beauty begin to unfold, I can play a mind game and think that next spring will be one where my life is much, much different. And my brain wants, in so many ways, to tell me to be scared. At least this morning I can say to my head – shut up! I know better. Instead I can believe that whatever that unknown is all about, that not so far ahead place in my life journey, it holds new and unexpected joys. I have nothing to worry about.
All the best,