Following along the same vein as my last post I am still focusing and thinking about my spiritual condition today. I think part of the problem is my having been doing a few of the same things day after day, and perhaps thinking this is enough. Praying in the morning and praying at night does get supplemented by other things throughout the day but there is not much else that I do on a regular basis. Going to a meeting can help me focus more on God but not always. Finding myself in challenging or humbling situations can make me contemplate God, say a prayer, or feel grateful I do not have to bear the burden of everything on my own, but this doesn’t always happen. And so on.
I have been thinking that I perhaps need to do something to knock me out of my complacency. Many years ago I used to fast from time to time. I would drink nothing but water for a day. Then there was a year or two where I was attending a sweat lodge in Montana a few times a month. I would fast for the part of the day leading up to the sweat. The fast coupled with the sweat lodge was a powerful spiritual experience.
All in all, my fasting experiences were truly spiritual manna. I think I need to do a one day fast soon. If your curious, you can find out more about fasting here: how to fast.
Be well and be sober.
Just another sober day. Some things seem to be well to me and others could be better. One part of the could be better side of things is my spiritual condition. I’m not feeling as well connected as I feel I should. Perhaps I need to do more prayer and meditation.
On the good side of things, I have been getting better sleep over the last few weeks. I am reading a book about insomnia too, written by an insomniac that is frustrated by the lack of understanding about this problem. The book is a hoot as it talks about problem sleeping like we in AA talk about our alcoholism. And the funny thing is, from some aspects there are a number of perception similarities between alcoholism and insomnia. Like there being lots of well meaning advice offered from people who do not have the problem - you should just stop / just drink some warm milk.
Anyway, it is getting late. I should really think about going to bed!
Happy trails while you trudge the road to happy destiny!
As a sober drunk I am also - just human - and as such have many other issues. One of these is not being able to sleep well. This has been a lifelong problem, starting before I even began drinking. And I had my first drink at 13.
Tonight I am sitting in a hotel room in Cape Cod at 3:30 AM. My wife is sleeping soundly. I like to say she is a professional sleeper and I am just a wanna be.
I subscribe to an RSS feed about sleep problems and when I fired up the computer tonight low and behold one of the articles led me to a new web resource I had never seen before. A list of things to do if you can’t sleep. One was to list your blessings. Gee, what an interesting idea.
Tonight my wife and I watched the sun set at the northernmost part of Cape Cod. As we were standing at the edge of the sea, I saw something pop up out of the water in front of me. It took me a little bit to realize it was a seal’s head. Then just like that it was gone. It turned out there were a few of them there and in a few minutes time you could see one or two pop up somewhere in the vicinity of where we were standing. At one point I tried to take a picture of the beautiful scene in front of us but it turned out the batteries in the camera were dead. I had a moment of rising frustration. Then I realized how blessed I was to be standing right where I was. I love my wife and I love to be on the beach. I also got a sunset and some seals thrown in for good measure. The camera was just not an issue.
I am blessed too today to be sober. One of the great gifts I have been given in learning to live sober is that any initial ideas I have about what might be a problem can often be turned around, just like that. I am lying in bed, not sleeping, eventually have to get up, and feel a little defeated. Five minutes later I read about counting my blessings and feel better. I try to get upset that I can’t take a picture of a scene I want to preserve and quickly realize perhaps I just need to focus on enjoying a really good moment. This skill I was taught has also come in handy during some really serious and relatively weighty issues that have arisen in my sobriety. Most of these things are now just a part of my staying alive rather than it all being alcoholism related stuff. Health issues, people dying, or whatever. Yet I can tell that my ability to weather the storms, large and small, seems to improve with practice.
So that is my report from the cape this early morning. I hope you are all sleeping soberly, and well.
